We Made It

We made it through. I questioned it at times, but we did it. The holidays after loss are difficult. It was difficult going through and seeing all the social media posts from others who have their baby with them. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them. But it doesn't take the pain of not having Aaron with us.

Aaron's due date was three days before my birthday. My birthday was two days before Thanksgiving. That was the start of holidays this year. Aaron's due date wasn't as hard as I had imagined. I guess I never thought that he would be born on that day, but I always thought that I would be holding him on my birthday. It hit me hard that I didn't get to hold my baby on my birthday.

Skip a few days to Thanksgiving and I saw so many "First Thanksgiving" posts from people I know who got to bring their baby home. Fast forward to Christmas, I got to see those post on repeat for "First Christmas" posts. I'm glad that most don't know the pain you can have when seeing these.

For us who have lost a child this year, it was a year of firsts but not lasts. It was the first Thanksgiving and Christmas that we are missing someone. But it won't be the last one. We have to go through every year knowing that our child will always be missing.

We made it. The year is finishing out and I am know things have changed from the loss of Aaron. Our marriage has been strengthened. My faith is stronger. I have a hope for the future that I didn't have before. I have a peace in knowing that God is always with me and that even in my worst, He still cares for me.