Life Update

I haven’t shared much recently because I’m not sure what to share anymore. It has been just over 7 months since we’ve had Aaron and life keeps moving forward. That has been hard. We have to accept that Aaron is no longer with us and that is something I struggle with daily.

I was really hoping by this point that we would be expecting another child. I was hopeful that when my doctor cleared us to start trying again in January that it wouldn’t take long to conceive. I don’t consider this long yet, but I worry that it will be months before (or even if) we will get to see those two pink lines again.

And let me share, trying after loss plays games on me. I struggled more than anyone knew when we tried for Aaron. After about the 3rd month of trying, I would cry every month from not getting to see those pink lines. So now that I know that even if we get to see those lines doesn’t always mean that we get to bring home a baby, it can mess with my mind. I mostly am waiting to see those lines, but as soon as I see them I know that it will bring up other mixed emotions.

I know that I am guaranteed high risk now after losing Aaron. We don’t know yet what that will look like for future pregnancies. My doctor has tested for a few different clotting disorders to rule those out. One came back out of range, but we are waiting for recheck results to see how we proceed with that. We don’t have a set plan yet for how it will look because it could change depending on when we get pregnant again.

So, in this waiting game we pray. We pray that God is kept center in our lives where He needs to be. We pray that He will give us the blessing of raising a child to know Him. We pray that He heals the pain we still carry daily of our loss. I pray that He helps my anxiety and stress. I pray that He gives me peace in knowing that He already knows when/if we will have another child.

word of the year: HOPE

 

my word of the year: HOPE.

I have hope for the new year. I hope in His word. I hope in Him. I don't know what this year will bring us. I have learned over last year that I can make plans but in the end they may not be His plans. Here are some scriptures with hope mentioned in them that I am holding onto this year:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. ~Romans 15:13 ESV

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. ~Romans 12:12 ESV

You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in your word. ~Psalm 119:114 ESV

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." ~Lamentations 3:24 ESV

Do you have a word of the year?